Break room
by Tez
Summary: A little conversation after the baby deal.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own JAG. I don't own a Jag, either, although I asked for both last Christmas.

A/N: My little sister writes fanfiction, and she pushed me into doing it, too. I never understood why she was so ecstatic over reviews until I started getting them myself. One good review can make your whole week better. A huge heartfelt thank you to everyone who's ever reviewed anything they read and liked; it really does make a difference!

            I'm drumming my fingers on the counter, desperate for a cup of coffee. The coffeemaker, seeming to sense my impatience, is moving slower than traffic on the Beltway at rush hour. The door opens behind me and Harm comes in, obviously looking for a caffeine fix of his own. 

            "Morning," I say, and he stifles a yawn. I can't help but laugh at him. His uniform is rumpled, his tie is crooked, and he looks dead on his feet.

            "Harm, you look like you haven't slept in a week."

            "I was up all night working on that brief the admiral asked me for."

            "The one he wanted finished yesterday?"

            He shrugs, flashing me that gorgeous grin. "Maybe."

            I shake my head and reach out to straighten his tie. "Coffee'll be ready any time now."

            He gives me a quick once-over. "You look great."

            "Flattery will get you no coffee." I'm lying through my teeth. Flattery will get him anything he wants.

            Harm gives me a devious look, and before I can ask what he's up to, he leans over my shoulder and wraps his arms around me, pressing a hand to my abdomen.

            "She's so mean to me," he says, smiling broadly. I'm confused and a little afraid for his sanity.

            "You finally go off the deep end, flyboy?"

            "Hey," he argues, still grinning. "I'm just giving the kid a heads up. So she knows this is normal behavior for us."

            My breath catches in my throat as our conversation last week outside headquarters comes back to me for the hundredth time. We agreed to go halves on a kid. I've never wished for five years to go by so fast.

            "She's got five years to get used to it," I reply, resting my hand over his. My skin tingles through my uniform, and I can feel the warmth of his large hand on my stomach. He rubs his thumb back and forth, and I can't help leaning back against him.

            "Your mom drives me crazy sometimes," he elaborates, looking at me out of the corner of his eye as he continues talking. "But for the most part she puts up with me."

            "Just be thankful your daddy's got that great smile," I tell our imaginary child, indulging in Harm's insanity. "Otherwise I'd have killed him years ago, and then where would you be?"

            Harm chuckles, and after a moment I join in. I notice that the coffee's done and we're momentarily diverted, grabbing mugs and sugar to begin the ritual of caffeine intake that will keep us going through the rest of the day. He hands me my mug as I put the coffee pot back in its place, and a noise behind me makes me look up. There isn't anyone there, and I decide it's my lack of caffeine that's making me hallucinate. If there had been someone there, they certainly would have come in for some coffee. Everyone in this office is addicted.

            "See you in court?"

            Harm nods. "1500 hours," he replies, and stops just before the door. "My girls," he says with an indulgent grin, and I can feel a flush break over my cheeks.

            "Who says it's a girl?" I demand, covering for my embarrassment.

            "Daddies know these things." 


	2. Chapter 2

            A familiar bellow catches my attention, and I have a split second to wonder who's in trouble this time before I hear my name. Great. I can't think of anything I've done off the top of my head that would have made the admiral angry, but that doesn't mean I haven't done something. I pass Tiner on my way toward Chegwidden's office, and he gives me an apologetic smile. 

            "You heard, ma'am?"

            "I think everybody heard, Tiner. Any idea what I'm in for this time?"

            He shrugs. "No, ma'am."

            I sigh. "Well, ours is not to reason why," I inform him, heading off to face my irate boss.

            I knock on the door, and it's a long moment before I hear his annoyed 'Enter!'. That doesn't bode well for me. It means he's marshalling his arguments. I step inside and close the door behind me, coming to attention in front of his desk.

            "Have a seat," Chegwidden says, surprising me. Usually he likes to chew us out while we're standing at attention. 

            "Major, do you know what this is about?" he asks as I perch carefully on the edge of a chair.

            Now I'm even more confused. "No, sir."

            He lets out the gusty, oh-lord-why-me sigh that he typically only uses when Harm's around. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me, Mac?"

            What's going on? "No, sir. I don't think so, sir." I rack my brain for anything I might have done that I haven't fessed up to, but nothing is forthcoming. After a moment I run through Harm's recent indiscretions as well, but I can't think of anything Chegwidden could pin on me.

            "Mac, are you..." He clears his throat. "Are there any...medical developments you'd like to share?"

            What the hell is he talking about? Now half afraid that he's received news I have a fatal illness or something, I shake my head uncertainly. "No, sir."

            He looks like he's thinking about hitting something. "Damn it, Mac, are you pregnant?"

            I snort and choke at the same time, making an interesting noise and temporarily losing the ability to inhale properly. It's a few moments before I can breathe again. 

            "Of course not!"

            He gives me an inscrutable look. "Are you sure?"

            I return his look with one of my own. Not unless immaculate conception is back in style. "I don't know, sir," I reply, a little more snidely than I intend to. "Is it Christmas?"

            I clap my hand over my mouth a split second after that comment escapes, but he hears it and stifles a laugh. 

            "No, Major, I'm happy to say it's not." He's still trying not to laugh, and I resist the urge to crawl into a hole and hide. I can't believe I just told the admiral I'm not getting any. 

            "Sir, if I may ask, what inspired this particular line of questioning?" It's definitely time to change the subject.

            "Several of your co-workers came to me expressing...concerns. I decided to investigate their veracity for myself."

            My co-workers? Suddenly my mind latches onto that conversation in the break room last week...

            "Harm," I mutter, and Chegwidden hears me.

            "Actually, Commander Rabb wasn't among them."

            I shake my head. "No, sir. He was...joking...about it last week. Someone must have overheard and gotten the wrong idea."

            Chegwidden looks almost relieved. "I knew this was his fault, one way or another."

            My face turns crimson when the implications of that statement sink in. Thankfully, the admiral is busy re-seating himself at his desk and doesn't see.

            "In the future, try and make sure the commander screens the contents of his comments. I'm sorry about all this."

            "It's not a problem, sir," I reply. Harm is a dead man. Our kids are going to grow up fatherless.

            "Dismissed."


	3. Chapter 3

            I resist the urge to whistle as I stroll into JAG headquarters. I've just gotten the best news I've heard in a very long time. I'm getting a boat! Next to my 'Vette and my biplane, I've never been so excited about a material possession in my life. Mom called from La Jolla early this morning, saying that she and Frank were going to get rid of the little clipper he bought two years ago and proceeded to do absolutely nothing with. I offered to buy it from them and Mom told me to consider it part of my birthday present. A boat! I know I'm acting like a four-year-old, but I've never had my own sailboat, although I did lots of sailing at the academy. It's a skill I've let lapse over the last few years, but hopefully I'll find time to develop it again. 

            As I get off the elevator and head in to work, I mentally run down the list of things I need to do before it gets here. I'll need to get a dock slip in Norfolk, buy new sails, break out my old sailing gear from the academy…Lost in thought, I don't see Mattoni until I'm practically on top of him.

            "Hey, Alan," I greet him easily, clapping my co-worker on the shoulder. "How's it going?"

            He gives me a suspicious look. "You're in a good mood," he observes warily, and I nod. 

            "Just got some great news," I explain as we both head for the break room. 

            If anything, he looks more suspicious. "Really? About what?"

            I grin. "An addition to the Rabb collection, if you will. I've wanted one for ages."

            He chokes. "Really?"

            I give him an odd look. This isn't like Mattoni. "Really. It's an early birthday present, although it won't get here until after my birthday. You know how long these things can take."

            Alan looks ready to laugh or pass out, I'm not sure which. 

"What are you going to name it?"

            "That's something I haven't really thought about yet. I don't know." I think for a moment and then shrug. "Not Sarah, anyway. That would get confusing. After all, I've already got one of those." I chuckle, but Mattoni doesn't join in. He looks stunned. 

"Well, then, maybe you should leave it up to Mac."

            I frown, considering that proposition for a moment. "I don't know, Alan. She might name it something funny just to spite me."

            He gives me a hard look. "I really don't think the major would do something like that."

            "Are we talking about the same Major Mackenzie?"

            "I certainly hope so," he replies, sighing. "I mean, I know you have a bit of a reputation, Harm, but I'd think one Sarah Mackenzie could keep any guy occupied. Especially a pregnant one. I bet you're in for a fun nine months."

            The sip of coffee I've just taken makes a sudden re-entry to the break room through my nose, spraying across the counter. 

            "What?" I demand, coughing. "What the hell are you talking about?"

            "What are you talking about, Harm?"

            "I was telling you about my new boat!" I claim defensively. "What do you mean, Mac's pregnant?"

            He looks mortified. "I'm so sorry. I must have ruined the surprise."

            "It's a hell of a surprise," I snap in response. "I didn't even know she was seeing anyone!"

            "You mean…" His eyes grow wide. "You mean it isn't…you aren't…"

            "No!" 

            He and I exchanged completely baffled looks, and my hands clench into fists. Mac's been seeing someone behind my back. Not only that, but now she's pregnant? Jesus. So much for our baby deal. We were just talking about it last week, and she never said anything about this. 

            That thought leaves me uncomfortably close to tears, and I think once more about the houseful of kids we could have had before I push the though as far into the back of my mind as I can. It's obviously not going to happen now.

            "Harm?"

            Mattoni looks like he's deciding between pity and shock, but all I can focus on is how hurt I am that Mattoni knew about this before I did. 

            "How could she not have said anything?" I mutter, fists clenching again, and just then the door swings open and the object of our conversation, and of every fantasy I've had in the last three years, wanders in.

            "Morning, guys," she murmurs, reaching past Mattoni for the coffee, and something inside me snaps. Whirling on one heel, I blow past her and out the door, headed for the parking lot. I need to get out of here.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own JAG. If I did, there would be more 'baby deal' and less of this whole 'Harm and Mac are still not together nine seasons later deal' of which the writers seem so fond.

A/N: Yeah, I know, it's about time. This update is a short one to bring myself back up to speed on the plotline; I'll add more soon, I swear. I figured out a timeline for this story, which like most of my timelines involves my own personal alternate course of events. Harm never left JAG to go back to flying. Brumby is still working at JAG as well. Harriet is still an active reservist who apparently likes to cause trouble on her days at work. ::g:: Baby AJ is, oh, let's say three months old. Anyone know which episode that puts this in? The Colonel's Wife? Contemptuous Words? Eh, Season 5 and we'll leave it at that, since I hacked six months off the show's continuity by not letting Harm go play with the planes.

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            I give Mattoni a look of commiseration as I reach for the coffee. "Is he PMSing again?" I ask, remembering back to two weeks ago when Harm stormed out of a meeting with Bud and Alan. Of course, Brumby was there, which may have had something to do with it. 

            Mattoni gives me an embarrassed glance, looking back down at his coffee cup. "Mac, I'm really sorry."

            "Why?" I ask absently, taking a sip of my coffee and raising an eyebrow. I think he's actually blushing. How cute.

            "I didn't know you hadn't told Harm."

            "Told him about what?"

            He clears his throat and gestures vaguely at me. "That you were…"

            "What, Alan?" I demand, confused but still amused. He's definitely blushing now.

            "That you were pregnant."

            I choke on my mouthful of coffee, managing to swallow most of it but leaving a fine patina of caffeinated liquid on the counter. I grab for a napkin, swiping quickly at the countertop before turning back to Mattoni. 

            "You told him what?"

            "I thought it was his! I mean, I thought the two of you were –"

            I put my mug down and grab him firmly by the shoulder. "Alan. I'm. Not. Pregnant."

            "But Harriet said –"

            "Harriet," I mutter. "Of course it was Harriet." I look up at him, realizing something with a sinking heart. "Alan, you told him…and then he…he thinks I'm pregnant by someone else?"

            Mattoni looks like he'd rather be stationed on Ice Station Zebra in nothing but his skivvies than here in the break room talking about this with me. 

            "Well, I'm not sure…he took off so fast. I barely had a chance to say anything before you came in."

            Yeah, before I came in and Harm took off. Damn. I squeeze Mattoni's shoulder tightly before letting go of him. "Look. Harm and I are not sleeping together and I'm not having his or anyone else's love child. Pass the word. Okay?"

            "Sure, Mac," he agrees. "I'm really sorry."

            "It's all right," I tell him, grabbing my coffee mug and heading for the door. "But if you see Lieutenant Sims? Tell her to hide."

            He nods, chuckling, and I leave in search of my poor misinformed partner or the hapless Lt. Sims, intent on having a long chat with whoever enters my line of fire first. 


End file.
